Good For Nothing.

The title of the post is coined GFN or good for nothing...

Past 2-3 years, I always have people telling me, that I am technical inclined, I am good with my job... Former boss have written reference letter of my contribution technically to the team.... even the 3 months in ACN, JC was happy and confident of what I wrote. Yet now I am left with nothing...

When I left my position in ACN, I told myself, maybe I am more suitable for the technical role, maybe I am just not that good with the non technical functional roles... yet now in my position, my senior is pointing out all my technical flaws and said that I have seen too little codes...

So ... function CMI, technical also CMI .... I am then GFN.

I am not a sucker for praises and not a stranger to critics. Yet I need to have some sort of recognization. I need it to fuel the confident which is solely missed... this 1 year I am completely disoriented and completely shattered in confident.

I know that YH meant well when he pointed out all my technical flaws, I actually listen in, and will do the necessary to move on from there. But the confidence shattering experiences is just to hard for me to take... to make the matter worst, I will see my ex colleague in Nov. I am really standstill for my career now. this type of feeling after you tried so hard for it is so painful. Something which she will never understand....

She is not really a good listener, yesterday night when I tried to poured my inner feeling out, it only took 3 mins before I knew I should just keep quiet... she simply dun understand the pain and hurt it make to have something and lost it. To try so hard yet it could be better if you dun try at all.... she just went on to talk about how to learn from YH, how to better yourself and how she does it in her work... I knew all these ... I am trying to do all this ... but this moment.....

It takes time for the confidence to come back ... I have always have little confidence of myself since young, and the recent events have made it even harder for me. I am very tired ....

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A Type of Fucking Bosses which I hate:

Boss: I need you to cover this and this and that by this week...
Me: That is a lot, all these are interlinked and take time, I am not sure if it can be finish by the end of the week

Boss: Are you telling me that you have no confidence in yourself??

FUCK!!!! ... tell you ok, end of the week I also die, tell you the actual problem, you just ask me to slap myself ... how you want me to answer this question?